Selflessness

 

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Photo Courtesy of Jamie Rich Photography

 

 

 

A recent 9 News story about varsity softball players from Douglas County High School inviting special needs students to homecoming reflects selflessness.  However, an even greater example of selflessness was the players’ response to the news that the station wanted to do a story about the players.  The players responded that the story was not them, but their amazing dates, the special needs children who deserved the same experiences as any other  high school student.  So those players made sure all 5 of their dates were available for the interview by 9 News, set to occur on a day school was not in session, to keep the focus where it really belonged.  The special needs kids were the story.

That same level of selflessness is also required when involved in a legal case relating to children.  Parents can get focused on themselves as to what is fair and what the parent wants.  But the best parenting plan is selfless-  it is all about the child’s best interest and needs, not the parents’.   The child’s needs must be put ahead of the parent’s/parents’.

What does the specific child need as far as stability, consistency?   What does he or she require to be as successful as possible despite the divorce of the parents?

A parent seeking too aggressive of parenting time is being selfish.  A parent introducing the child to a new significant other too soon is being selfish.   A parent fighting to win for him or herself is being selfish.

When the parent becomes selfless, and focuses on the needs of the child, the limits of the child, the basics of what will help the child, a  parenting plan evolves.   The child is given the benefit of being placed first, above the parents.   The child is at the center of the decisions, truly.

Sometimes the selflessness costs a lot of money and emotion, as the selfless parent defends against a selfish parent’s goals that are detrimental to the child’s emotional, psychological and developmental well being.  This is the reality of selflessness.   Yet, the cost to the selfish parent is even greater, in that damage can be caused to that parent’s relationship with the child.  There are natural consequences to selfishness.

There are likewise rewards to selflessness, including success of the child, an emotionally healthy child-of-divorce, and a close relationship between the selfless parent and child.  That’s what this is all about!   Children of divorce do not have to fall within the research statistics.   They beat those odds when at least one parent is selfless.

Returning to the high school students, there were rewards for/from the selflessness of the softball players. The special needs children inspired the players to be better people, which in and of itself had its own rewards.  And all of the students established closer friendships, including the special needs students coming to softball games to cheer on their friends who are their equals.   Everyone involved was changed for the better.   Selflessness.  Pay it forward.

 

See the original 9news story here: http://www.9news.com/story/life/2015/09/25/dchs-athletes-ask-special-needs-students-to-homecoming/72807854/

 

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