The “Aloneness Anger” of Divorce

By Pamela Osse

Many people who go through a divorce feel relief when it’s done. The process is over and you’re ready to move on and start new and experience life! What I found, going through my own divorce, is that the feeling of being truly alone, and being angry about it, comes a bit later.

I think most newly divorced individuals think, especially if the divorce was acrimonious or fraught with problems, that “now I’m free and can do all of these things!” when it’s finalized. You start that and it’s sort of fun and then realize, “Wait, I’m doing them ALONE. This isn’t fair!” So many newly divorced jump into those unhealthy rebound relationships exactly because of that – they don’t want to be alone – they don’t want to do all of these fun things ALONE. We were all part of a “two” and being a “one” is tough to learn.

How do you get past it? Simply put – you don’t.  Your ex was a part of your life. You need to accept it, deal with it and let it wash over you and out to the universe.  If you don’t accept it and you internalize it, the “aloneness anger” will never really go away. You also need to put it in perspective. Are there places, people or national parks that will trigger this? If so, don’t visit them until you are sure you can make NEW memories for yourself without the past interfering. Give yourself time to truly enjoy nature, museums or friends again, as a “one!”

 

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