Don’t Jump Too Soon



I recently read the book “This is Where I Leave You.” It is a story of dysfunction at so many levels, mixed with shock value, touching moments, and absolute hilarity. One line, though, really resonated with me.


The main character is recently separated, having caught his wife in bed with his boss. He just learned that his soon-to-be ex-wife is pregnant with his baby. Somehow, it made sense to him to run to the arms of his high school sweetheart. And… all this happened while he was mourning the loss of his father and learning his mother was in love with a woman. In the midst of it all, a wise soul told him that he needed to be healthy on his own.


Learn to be healthy on your own first.


It can be hard to be alone. It seems human nature to “couple,” seek out the affection and support of another. However, if done too soon after the break-up of the last relationship, the new one can suffer from the same failings with no growth or introspection.   The strength of a pairing comes not just in the pair, but from the individual components.   So, upon separation, work needs to be done on oneself– to explore why the last relationship met its demise, what each party contributed to that, and what can be improved and changed with one’s own self going forward.   This self-centered approach is not selfish, but rather healthy. Unless and until you are healthy alone, you cannot be your best self in your personal life, as a parent, as a partner, as a friend, as yourself.   Jumping too quickly to the next relationship is narrow-minded and precludes personal growth. So, take time. Spend some time on you and what you need. Don’t jump too soon.

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